I’m sure everyone who is growing up, leaving their childhood behind them, has ever experienced something like what I’m about to talk about. Especially if you’re part of a fandom.
Last week, I went to watch The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 with some friends. The movie was amazing but afterwards I felt like there was a hole in my heart. Like something left and didn’t plan on returning.
The Twilight Saga was a huge part of my childhood and now it’s over. Time is flying by. I mean, it feels only like yesterday I bought the first book and read it seven times in one week because it was that good. And now it’s over and I can’t wrap my mind around it.
It’s really confronting to notice you’re growing up so fast. It’s actually even scaring me. I’ve got only one and a half year school left and then I have to chose a course on university and all that stuff. And I’m so scared of it. What if I fail? What if I’m to weak to stand on my own two feet in those big adult world out there? What happens then?
So, tell me. Have you ever felt like this? Are you sometimes scared of what the future brings? Tell me in the comments down below and then we can all relate to each other, knowing we’re not the only one, that we’re not the last individual of a certain species.
Have you ever just laid in your bed and cried? Cried because you think you’re ugly. Because you’re not good enough for anyone. You counted all your flaws from head to toe, to make you feel worse about yourself. You cried because of all the comments people burst out actually hurt. You cried because your family never understands you and doesn’t even try to. But you’re just a girl, too young to change anything about it.
You could run away but where would you go? You’re only sixteen years old. Not a coin to your name, so where would you go? Friends? No, they don’t care. So you decide to stay and try to hold on. Hold on to a life that’s nothing to you anymore.
Your parents tell you to stop complaining, that you have it so much better than kids in Africa. But what right do they have to judge you if they don’t even try to understand your life? You don’t want to feel like an attention seeker, so you bottle it all up.
Around friends and family you create this mask with a smile on it and people believe it. Stupid people. They don’t notice the despair behind the smiling mask. But then at night, when you’re alone in your bed, the girl who everyone thought was always happy, is crying her broken heart out. Her mask has crumbled.
Have you ever felt this way? Tell me in the comments below. Or just tell me anything you want…